dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
