No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Are we still banned from the library?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Randomize
