I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
