Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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