I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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