he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
