Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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