I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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