I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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