Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
