3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
