Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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