This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
