I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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