he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize