I'm pants shitting drunk right now
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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