I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
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