I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
