sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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