Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
