we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
