The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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