i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize