Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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