you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
