Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
