tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize