Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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