I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
