My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
