by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
