u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize