how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize