my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i will never coherently bang her
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
