I'm lost and stupid without you.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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