batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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