Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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