i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
