TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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