She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize