just survived the first fart of the relationship.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
