im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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