trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
