ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize