Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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