I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
