I think I just saw someone hide a body.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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