there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
