We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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