That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Fuck appropriateness.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
