i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
