I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Randomize
