I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
