Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
