He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
