you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
