I can't watch pbs sober anymore
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
just found out that she named her cat after me.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
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