Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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