dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
