Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
