I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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