she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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