Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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