Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
