I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
