Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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