Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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