Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
