No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
