my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I need to calm my uterus...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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