i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
