You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
