WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
