so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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