My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize